You know that cruddy feeling you have after dedicating 3 hours of your day to football viewing, and then your team loses? And did you eat 30 wings?

Growing up in Bills country and hosting bad-karma Superbowl disaster party year after year, I’ve often wondered if the football snack food was a touch healthier, would the post-game funk be less funky? Not that I’m hoping your team loses (unless it’s the Dolphins), and not that the Buffalo wings, ribs, French onion dip, and nachos washed down with Labbatt’s Blue aren’t to die for (literally!). But, if Bitchin’ Dietitian existed back then, what would’ve been served, and would we have felt better about our sucky team because our tight ends stayed tight? Let’s give it a shot. At the very least, our ends will thank us. Here are a few snack recipes (followed by lower calorie beer options) for a crowd-pleasing, offensive lineman-limiting menu:

Scott Norwood Should’ve Eaten These Nachos
Makes enough for 8 fans

1 13-ounce bag tortilla chips (extra credit if they’re Baked)
1 16-ounce can fat-free “refried” beans (like the delicious ones Bearitos makes)
1 cup Daiya shredded cheddar cheese (optional)
1 green bell pepper, diced
2 bunches green onions, chopped
2 tomatoes, finely chopped
1 jar (about 16 ounces) favorite salsa
Hot sauce, as much as possible

Get 4 plates. Evenly distribute chips on the plates. Heat the beans in a microwave-safe bowl or on the stovetop until all melty. Pour 1/4 onto each of the 4 chip plates. Sprinkle 1/4 cup of shredded cheese on each chip/bean plate (if using), and then microwave for 30 seconds. Sprinkle the chopped veggies, pour the salsa, and dash with hot sauce. Chow.

Nutrition info per serving with regular chips & the cheese (2 servings per plate): 234 calories, 5.3 g fat, 662 mg sodium, 40.7 g carbohydrate, 8.8 g fiber, 8.1 g protein.

*A serving of “Loose End” Nachos may have 780 calories and over 20 grams of fat!*

Colorful Corn Salsa (served with baked chips)
Makes 4 ½ cups (9 servings)

1 cup fresh or frozen corn
2 medium tomatoes, chopped
¼ cup chopped red onion
½ cup chopped green bell pepper
½ cup chopped orange bell pepper
10 fresh basil leaves, chopped
Juice of 1 lime
3 tablespoons rice or cider vinegar

If using fresh corn, blanch in boiling water for 3 minutes and rinse in cold water. If using frozen corn that is not thawed completely, blanch in boiling water for 2 minutes and drain. In a large bowl, combine all ingredients and set aside for 15 to 20 minutes to allow the flavors to develop. Serve at room temperature.

Nutrition info per 1/2 cup serving: 26 calories, 0.2 g fat, 2 mg sodium, 6 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 2.2 g sugar, 0.8 g protein.

Creamy Spinach Dip served with chopped veggies & pumpernickel bread. Cholesterol-free? SA-Weeet!!!

Low-Fat Guacamole (served with baked chips, or heck, maybe go full-fat this time?)

Hot Wings That Will Blow Your Mind!

BEER
Now for the thirst-quenching end of things. Based on calories:

Choose Amstel Light, Guinness Draught, Rolling Rock, Yuengling Lager, and Beck’s Light.

Stay Away From Bass Ale, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Corona Extra, Bud Light, Heineken, and most IPAs.

My fave is a good Hefeweizen… which is like Switzerland. Neutral in calories & Delicious!

What will you eat and drink this weekend, and who are you cheering for?